The positive side of positive thoughts: Even for those of us who are grey
This writing will be a little different from what you’re used to seeing from me. I often talk about the toxic nature of the “all positive” viewpoint and the need for living in the balance of light and dark, positive and negative. But part of that balance also includes having the positive along with the dark. Just as we can’t always be positive, we also can’t always be negative. For those of us who do dwell in the grey or twilight more often, this is actually very important, and often overlooked. As Rokkatru, and especially the Lokean side of it, we often find ourselves doing the darker work for the sake of the light side, just like Loki often did. Many of us also participate in things such as activism, fighting inequality, being an ear for (or ministering to) others who are going through a hard time, and dealing with our own personal battles as well. And sometimes, we get overwhelmed by seeing, working, and living with the dark and bane so often. At times, this can cause us to doubt ourselves and our abilities, or even cause an episode of imposter syndrome and depression. That’s where I was recently. In a great big funk of depression and self-loathing, and (I admit) self-pity. I ended up taking a break from social media and texting or calling friends. I just needed some quiet time to think about my own self without distractions from the outside world. Luckily, I did have one or two members of my spiritual tribe to encourage me and remind me that self-care is not only okay, but necessary. So I took my quiet time and, in the middle of it, a dear friend and brother pointed out to me things I have done and accomplished in the last couple of years. I didn’t listen at first. But, eventually I realized he was right. They all were. So after another night of moping a bit, I made myself listen to my friends. And I made myself see the things that I am that are positive, and the things that I have that are positive. I realize that I am an author, a Tarot reader, a minister, a mother, a teacher, (for all intents and purposes) a princess, and as reluctant as I am to admit it, I am something similar to a leader. I was always taught not to think too highly of myself. To be more humble. But the thing people don’t realize is that humility means you don’t think you’re better than everyone else. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to recognize and be proud of your accomplishments and who you are. Do you really think Loki doesn’t brag on himself occasionally? But unfortunately, many people also have impostor syndrome, or something like it. We tend to think no matter what anyone says, they are wrong about us being good. That we can’t possibly be anything special. That too, is from years of mental programming from schools, parents, peer pressure, and many other things. In fact, one of the main ones who helped me see these things in myself again, was at the same time talking somewhat down on their own self, never realizing that they were a big part of getting me to where I am now. Sometimes we all need reminded of how great we are. And sometimes we need to be the ones to remind ourselves. In these times especially, it is important to think about our positive aspects. It is not only allowed, but it is essential. To put it bluntly, part of self-care is reminding yourself that you’re not a piece of shit. So I encourage you all to take time to make a mental note of your own positive attributes and positive things in your life. It could be anything. It doesn’t have to be what society counts as great. It doesn’t have to be anything that makes money. It doesn’t have to be anything that other people even know about. It could be that you like to write or make art secretly. It could be that you like to sing in the shower and you’re actually pretty good, even if shy. It could be that you have even one friend that you know loves you. Whatever you need to remind yourself that you are a worthy person, I encourage you to make a note of it. Write it down if you need. Take it out and remind yourself as many times as necessary. But never stay in the dark too long. The longer you stay in, the harder it is to come back out. Sometimes, being positive is a good thing. Especially when it keeps you going. It is not a failure to yourself or your path to do so. In fact it’s an important part of it. After all, you cannot have Twilight without some of the sun still glowing.
- Much love to you all